Anael

[offthebeatenpath]

Flying, Em discovered, hadn't lost any of its thrill in the year she'd gone without. It felt every bit as wonderful and natural as it had in Duninnean, only now there was a hint of anxiety too, that she might be seen. She'd flown a few times since Halloween and the new understanding of her powers, but only at night, and usually further out from the city center, over quiet neighborhoods or wooded areas where there would be fewer people to see.

Autumn nights in England weren't exactly warm at ground level, let alone in the air, but she'd found if she bundled up, the warmth of her real clothes was just as real no matter what the projection over herself appeared to wear. So she could enjoy her flights without being too cold on her way back to the squat. Tonight she 'wore' a long, white dress trimmed in gold that matched the golden angel wings lifting her into the sky. The wings were the strangest thing, mostly because they didn't feel strange at all, as much an extension of her thought as they would be on her Knight of Swords. She wanted to fly, so they beat and she flew.

The moon was just past full, making it all the more likely someone could see her, but Em wanted to clear her head, and flying worked even better than Askani meditations sometimes. She could soar on the wind, looking down over the city, heart-free and head-quiet, no distractions, and just be for awhile.

Comments

[offthebeatenpath]

"She'll think I'm crazy? Or making it up because I don't want to be with her? Or that it's impossible?" Em closed her eyes, a soft sigh slipping free. "It is impossible, if you ask physics, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen."

[whispersoflove]

Anael did not know what had happened exactly, but he could still offer some advice. "You can tell her, without giving her all the details," Anael suggested gently. "I'm Anael, an angel of God, and I'm Hani, a student of God. Both are true."

[offthebeatenpath]

"Can you feel it?" she asked, curiosity one of the few things that could distract her from the spiral of feelings. "That I... don't belong here, I mean."

[whispersoflove]

"What makes you think you don't belong here?" Anael asked with a frown, which ought to answer her question.

[offthebeatenpath]

If an angel didn't know... Em sighed again. "This isn't my reality. Everything is different here. Some things more than others."

[whispersoflove]

"You're from another world," Anael sussed out, and squeezed her hand. Everything made so much sense now, especially all the ways she felt. "I'm sorry, Emma."

[offthebeatenpath]

"It's been more than a year now." She squeezed his hand back lightly, grateful for the understanding. "I don't know how I got here, and I can't get home. But that's another thing. What happens if I do somehow go home? I'll lose people I have here, and they'll lose me. I don't know if I can risk that again."

[whispersoflove]

"That's the same risk everyone else takes, loving someone, being loved," Anael remarked. "Death or disaster can strike at any moment."

[offthebeatenpath]

Realistically, Em knew that, but her heart had a hard time accepting it. "What do you think I should do?"

[whispersoflove]

"Follow your heart," Anael answered honestly, with a small smile. "Always give love a chance. There's no greater force in the world."

[offthebeatenpath]

Following her heart would take Em back to the world she had been stolen from. Maybe that would change. Maybe it should change. But she couldn't help how she felt right now. "I don't want anyone getting hurt," she told him, her voice low. "Especially not because of me."

[whispersoflove]

"I know the feeling," Anael told her honestly, thinking of Prometheus and Robin. "But there's nothing you can do to stop it." Even closing herself off from the world would hurt the people who cared for her now.

[offthebeatenpath]

"Sometimes," she mused, wondering if she should say something like this to an angel, "free will sucks." Knowing the future and not being able to change it was hard enough, but not knowing and having to make those choices for herself could be even harder.

[whispersoflove]

"Free will is the greatest gift God has granted you," Anael answered, trying to keep from sounding as if he were speaking a Truth. "The ultimate proof of Their Love."

[offthebeatenpath]

"Maybe," she said, not wanting to disagree with an angel, and not being able to really in this case. "But the biggest gifts usually come with big responsibilities too. And sometimes I don't feel strong or brave enough for that."

[whispersoflove]

"And yet, you keep on going, all of you," Anael stated, very fondly. "You deserve that gift."

[offthebeatenpath]

"Most people who want me to read their fortune ask about work or love," she said, the seeming non sequitur following logically to her. "But the one thing I never ask the cards about for myself is love. I don't know whether that's because I don't want to know or I'm too afraid of misinterpreting and making things worse all around."

[whispersoflove]

"Does it matter?" Anael asked gently. "You are free to do as you wish. It is up to you to seize the opportunities presented to you. Whether they might end up hurting other people, yourself, or both. That pain is a part of love, too."

[offthebeatenpath]

"Sorry," she said, looking across to Dutch's window again. "I didn't mean to get into all this with you," or with anyone really. "I have this habit of over-thinking to protect myself from feeling too much."

[whispersoflove]

"You've nothing to apologise for," Anael told her, and smiled over at her, squeezing her hand before letting it go. "I only wish you didn't feel love was something you ought to protect yourself from."

[offthebeatenpath]

"Now I want to apologize for that too." Em couldn't not feel that way, but she could feel bad about it. Love could be dangerous. Maybe because she'd never figured out how to love anything less than completely. Or because she was usually drawn to people who were as broken as she was, or who couldn't possibly feel for her what she felt for them.

[whispersoflove]

Anael smiled gently, and hazarded a guess. "Catholic upbringing?"

[offthebeatenpath]

"From what I've seen, most religious upbringings come with an unhealthy connection to guilt that can last longer than the religion," she reflected. "But yes, in my case that's Catholic. It's been a long time since my last confession, though."

[whispersoflove]

From what Anael had seen, Catholics were the worst, when it came to guilt, but he wasn't going to point it out. "Any particular reason?"

[offthebeatenpath]

Em shrugged. "Years of convent school. I think I had enough religion. And... I still believe in something, but not in a way that would make me a good Catholic."